Many times, it’s easy to feel like you’re going through your whole life alone, and that nobody is there to understand you. It’s also terrifying to know that the things that give you comfort may be even
greater and much more overwhelming than originally thought.
These were the thoughts that went through my head once I stepped into the shoes of Ellie. After experiencing bouts of anxiety and feeling lonely during various stages of my life (they weren’t that bad—they’re pretty normal when you’re trying to find yourself in your teen years), I could easily identify with her. However, whatever I had experienced can’t hold a candle to how advanced her emotional struggles can be at times. She wants to be normal, and she wants to have a life where she doesn’t have to rely on “imaginary friends” to strike up a conversation. But these friends of hers are something that she still clings to, regardless of how much therapy she will get.
Because I knew all of that, in a few scenes, I felt that urge to want to let go and “explode” to other characters (and sometimes I did!). At the same time, however, I realized that Ellie didn’t want to let go of what she held dear because she feared that she would completely lose herself. There was a lot of strain in my body and a lot of restraint in my emotions, and it sometimes came out as rigid body language or simple tears. Plus, for Ellie, after twenty years of one culture, it’ll take a while to stomach her revelations before everything comes out cleanly. After experiencing her strenuous relationship with her mother, and dealing with the bullying and constant misunderstanding, it’s easy to see why her world would be flipped upside down. Her world is very much in disarray, and throughout the entire piece, she’s constantly in question as to what’s real and what kind of life she can live after all of the struggles she had undergone.
Knowing all of that, my uneasiness bled into how I interacted with everyone—even the production crew at times! My dynamic with the actors were also much different while on the set. With my “imaginary friends,” I was much more laid-back and somewhat “reverent” of them because of their feelings of care for me on-camera. With Ellie’s mother, I was obedient (even though Ellie didn’t really show that, but you can see how it would work out). With Joy, I was much more eccentric and outspoken with her since we had a lot of similar qualities to our character, even though there is visible tension there. Even though you want to be your true self in working with others, it’s also extremely important to stay consistent with how you want to portray your relationship with others as a character. It’s a necessary evil, if you will.
Portraying Ellie literally kicked my butt, and it was an emotional roller coaster, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other.
By: Stephanie Morgan
greater and much more overwhelming than originally thought.
These were the thoughts that went through my head once I stepped into the shoes of Ellie. After experiencing bouts of anxiety and feeling lonely during various stages of my life (they weren’t that bad—they’re pretty normal when you’re trying to find yourself in your teen years), I could easily identify with her. However, whatever I had experienced can’t hold a candle to how advanced her emotional struggles can be at times. She wants to be normal, and she wants to have a life where she doesn’t have to rely on “imaginary friends” to strike up a conversation. But these friends of hers are something that she still clings to, regardless of how much therapy she will get.
Because I knew all of that, in a few scenes, I felt that urge to want to let go and “explode” to other characters (and sometimes I did!). At the same time, however, I realized that Ellie didn’t want to let go of what she held dear because she feared that she would completely lose herself. There was a lot of strain in my body and a lot of restraint in my emotions, and it sometimes came out as rigid body language or simple tears. Plus, for Ellie, after twenty years of one culture, it’ll take a while to stomach her revelations before everything comes out cleanly. After experiencing her strenuous relationship with her mother, and dealing with the bullying and constant misunderstanding, it’s easy to see why her world would be flipped upside down. Her world is very much in disarray, and throughout the entire piece, she’s constantly in question as to what’s real and what kind of life she can live after all of the struggles she had undergone.
Knowing all of that, my uneasiness bled into how I interacted with everyone—even the production crew at times! My dynamic with the actors were also much different while on the set. With my “imaginary friends,” I was much more laid-back and somewhat “reverent” of them because of their feelings of care for me on-camera. With Ellie’s mother, I was obedient (even though Ellie didn’t really show that, but you can see how it would work out). With Joy, I was much more eccentric and outspoken with her since we had a lot of similar qualities to our character, even though there is visible tension there. Even though you want to be your true self in working with others, it’s also extremely important to stay consistent with how you want to portray your relationship with others as a character. It’s a necessary evil, if you will.
Portraying Ellie literally kicked my butt, and it was an emotional roller coaster, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other.
By: Stephanie Morgan